It is crazy how fast things can change. I remember every little detail from the week my dad died. From the morning of to after the funeral. It is never easy to loose someone you love. I'll never forget my moms face when she had to tell me my dad had died. My Mom had foot surgery about a week before so she was in a wheel chair, couldn't walk, and couldn't drive. I had only been asleep for about forty-five minutes when I was woken up by my Brother saying, "You need to get up, you need to get up. Dad is in the hospital and Mom needs you to take her there to see him." I was the only one in the house who could legally drive so I had to do it. I was a little out of it and didn't understand really what was happening. When we got to the hospital my Mom asked me to stay in the waiting area until she found out what was going on and then she would come and get me. A little after forty-five minutes had passed, the nurse came and got me. She did not take me to my parents though. She took me to a smaller waiting room. At this point I had started getting a pretty good idea something was very wrong. Less than five minutes later the doctor came around the corner with my Mom. She smiled at me as the doctor closed the door. I could tell she had been crying and she was holding a bucket. It was not a happy smile though. It was one of those smiles that says I'm sorry about what you are about to hear. The next thing I know she was in front of me saying, "He loved you very much. You were his world. But dad is no longer with us." I remember my whole body going numb as I sat there and tried to comprehend what she just said. I remember seeing my dad before we left the hospital that night. It was a decision I will never regret making. However the image will never be something I can forget. It was so strange knowing I was not going to be able to give him a hug or talk to him again I knew then that this was going to be one of the hardest experiences in my life, and it has been. There are still things that remind me of my dad on a daily basis. Potato Salad for dinner is never made the same. Sunday morning pancakes are rarely seen or eaten anymore. The rich smell of butter and bisquick and Maple Syrup will always bring back the memory of my dad in the kitchen cooking every Sunday morning. It is so hard to believe that five years have already passed without him here. Everything is as clear as yesterday. It took so long for me to accept the fact that he wasn't going to walk through the door after a business trip. Sometimes, even now, I have dreams where I am talking to him and wake up confused and not sure what the reality is because of how real the conversation seemed. He wasn’t there when I got my license, when I started my senior year and graduated high school, or to see me have my first child. He won’t be there when I graduate college, or get married. A day will never pass when he won’t be in my heart and mind. The hardest part now if seeing my daughter point at his picture saying that's Papa. She knows he isn't here anymore and has never met him. I love seeing the smile on her face when she sees his pictures though.
I will never forget my dad. I was the biggest daddy's girl there was. I miss him everyday.
I know todays post is long. Thank you for taking the time to read it.
I hope you all enjoy reading my blog. Please leave comments with suggestions and thoughts.
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow." - Albert Einstein
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